How Relationships Thrive
People ruin perfectly good relationships every day.
How can you avoid ruining a relationship or friendship and instead build better relationships? I could give you a whole list of things; however, I prefer to focus on a core reason relationships thrive rather than die. It’s a wise word from the Bible book of wisdom, Proverbs.
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends
We all have faults that need to be forgiven. The ancient Bible word translated as “fault” here means a breach of trust or transgression. It is something we do that harms the relationship.
Want to ruin a marriage or a friendship? Refuse to let go of the hurt. Refuse to overlook the fault. Refuse to forgive. Keep bringing it up in your mind or to the person’s face. Don’t let them forget it. Keep “harping” on it. Post it on your Facebook page or tell all your other friends about it.
I was once hurt deeply by someone. Things were said about me behind my back. We parted ways. I thought I was okay with it until I sat behind the person at a funeral. As I sat there remembering the betrayal and unkind words, I wanted to whack him upside the head. Probably not a good thing to do at a funeral.
I had hatred in my heart and wanted to exact pain on his head. However, God showed me that it was time to forgive him, release the hate and give up my right – at least my perceived right – to get even. We later were able to be in each other’s presence without my wanting to whack some sense into him.
I have not forgotten the betrayal, as you see, and if I allow myself to dwell on it, the same emotions can flood my heart. But I remember that I forgave him after a time, and it does no one any good to dwell on it.
If I were not a Christian, it would be much easier not to forgive people. I could just dwell on all the hurt and maybe even exact some revenge. However, as followers of Jesus, we must find ways to heal our relationships.
Consider what the Apostle Paul says in Colossians 3:12-13 (NLT):
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
My lack of forgiveness was not good for me or others. It affected a number of my relationships. I needed God’s power to restore a broken friendship. The motivation, the driving force behind my forgiving others, is that God has forgiven me for much worse.
C.S. Lewis said, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.” You can’t make someone else forgive you, but you can do what you can to forgive others – to release the hatred and surrender to God your right to get even. Remember, “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.”
Willie Batson loves equipping individuals and couples with tools for building healthy relationships. He is a published author, a podcast co-host, and the Lead Coach at W.C.Batson Coaching. Visit his website at www.williebatson.com for more information about his “Marriage Tune-up” coaching program and other helpful tools.
Willie Batson, “How Relationships Thrive,” The Advent Christian Witness, Fall 2023