Biblical Strategies for Stressed Out Marriages
Feature by Willie Batson
Even in the best of times, marriage relationships can be hard work. However, events over which you have little or no control, such as a pandemic and its associated results, can produce stressed-out-pressure-cooker environments in the best relationships.
Higher individual stress levels may cause something your spouse says or does to create a more intense response than usual. You may find it more difficult to effectively use positive relationship skills, such as communication and conflict resolution strategies. You also are more likely to evaluate your relationship in a more negative light.
Several biblical strategies will help you respond to stress in ways that will not overwhelm your love for each other.
Four Biblical Strategies
Bring to God the things that cause you stress
Ask him to help you discern what to do to ease the tension in your lives and help you stay committed to your marriage. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done” (Philippians 4:6, NLT).
Find ways to express your emotions positively
Bottling up emotions can have a massively negative impact on marriages. You might think that avoiding conflict is less stressful, but it usually causes both of you to store up negative thoughts and feelings. As tension grows, so does resentment, resulting in an even bigger argument. It is better to discuss things that make you unhappy respectfully and calmly before letting them erupt in a torrent of words and actions which you are sure to regret. “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them” (Ephesians 4:29, NLT).
Approach challenges with open communication
When there are troubling issues, set aside a time to talk with each other in a relaxed setting. Be willing to share each other’s concerns, fears and hopes without criticizing or judging. You don’t always have to be right. Talk about how you can work together to improve the situation. To work as a team; you need to know what your spouse thinks about the issue – not what you think they think! Problems escalate when you stop honestly talking with each other. “Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone” (Colossians 4:6, NLT).
Cultivate a positive and thankful mindset
We’re told in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “In everything give thanks.” Make it a practice daily to look for the good things rather than focusing on the negatives. A thankful spouse is pleasant to be around. One thing that can help you in stress-filled situations is to create realistic expectations of each other. Let go of unrealistic expectations and fantasies.
A myriad of twists and turns in life can disrupt the peaceful balance in any marriage. Learning how to deal with those stressors before they happen in a Christ-honoring way can minimize their negative impact.
Willie Batson equips individuals and couples with tools for building healthy relationships. He is a retired pastor, an author and the Lead Coach at W.C.Batson Coaching. Visit his website: www.williebatson.com
Willie Batson, “Biblical Strategies for Stressed Out Marriages,” The Advent Christian Witness, Winter 2020