It may be the greatest fear a Christian parent has. That day when your child says they don’t believe in God or have decided to follow another belief system.

Stephen, at the age of 18, revealed to his parents that he no longer believed in God. His lack of spiritual interest over the years was not unexpected to them. Stephen suffered from depression and loneliness, praying for God’s healing but feeling abandoned instead. Eventually, he found it easier to stop believing than to hold onto the belief that God cared about his pain.

The transition from childhood to adulthood often comes with a myriad of challenges, and for some, this includes a reevaluation of the religious beliefs instilled in them during their upbringing. Brian Zahnd, in his book “When Everything’s On Fire,” describes this as “a crisis of Christian faith that leads to either a reevaluation of Christianity or sometimes a total abandonment of Christianity.”

This undoubtedly can be a bewildering and sensitive journey for adult children, and Christian parents may find themselves grappling with how to respond. When you hear or read the words of the apostle John, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” (3 John 4, ESV), your heart breaks, for there is no joy in this. And you might even blame yourself.

What are you to do?

1. And pray some more. Consider asking a close friend to join you in a devoted prayer time, seeking God’s guidance for you and your child. Jesus teaches us that boldness in prayer gets results (Luke 18:1-8).
2. Love your child as God does. Scripture teaches that God’s love for us is unconditional. Likewise, as parents, we should reaffirm that our love is not dependent on sharing the same religious beliefs. And remember that God’s love for our children surpasses our own. He will pursue them.
3. Resist the urge to condemn or criticize your children for questioning their faith. Remember, this process is a natural part of personal growth and exploration. Approach conversations with love and acceptance, focusing on maintaining a strong emotional connection. Be genuinely interested in their perspective and avoid reacting with criticism or fear.
4. Listen with empathy. Listen to your child’s journey without offering immediate solutions. Understand the factors influencing their journey, like theological concerns, personal growth, and philosophical exploration. Empathize with their struggles and emotions, recognizing that each person’s faith journey is individual.
5. Lovingly refuse to compromise. Lowering your standards will make you an accomplice. Practice saying this: “I will never stop loving you, and having a relationship with you is one of my deepest desires. But as much as I love you, I cannot support or celebrate your decision. I love you, and I love Jesus too much to do that.”
6. Trust God in the process. Pray that God will give you the courage to stand for Jesus over all other loyalties, trusting he will work it out. This disillusionment phase is a process and not necessarily a destination. Trust God to help your child navigate their spiritual journey.

Walking with your child through their crisis of faith requires a delicate balance of understanding, empathy and respect. You can play a crucial role in helping your child navigate this transformative journey with grace and compassion.

And do not despair too deeply. God can use even the loss of your child’s faith to do something extraordinary. Many of those who leave the faith when they are young eventually return. Some come back stronger than ever. Don’t give up!