When Your Spouse Doesn't Share Your Faith
Being married to a spouse that does not share your faith can be one of the most difficult challenges in a Christian’s life. You may be tempted to look for a way out of the marriage because of having to attend church alone or having a spouse who begrudges your church involvement. And there are those conflicting values that generate passionate arguments about what is right and wrong behavior.
The Bible specifically addresses those who are married to an unbeliever. Assuming no abusive behaviors are present, and the unbelieving spouse is willing to continue in the marriage, the believing spouse must find ways to make the relationship work. (See 1 Corinthians 7:12-14)
How can you build a healthy marriage with an unbeliever? How do you honor God and your mate?
Wisdom and discernment are needed to keep priorities where they need to be. God’s will must always come first. But what is God calling you to do when that conflicts with your unbelieving spouse? Sometimes you will need to stand for righteousness, especially in matters related to behavior harmful to the marriage and children. Other times, submitting for the sake of peace is a better choice. Both are biblical responses. The question becomes, which is the right choice in each circumstance? That’s where a humble heart, a strong prayer life, and Godly counsel become critical.
What else can you do? Here are several suggestions I received from those making their marriage to an unbeliever work.
- Recognize that unhappiness and conflict in marriage may not be due to your spouse being an unbeliever. There may be issues in the marriage that will continue even after your mate becomes a Christian. Find ways to correct those issues.
- Pray for your spouse’s salvation and the grace to be loving and kind toward your unbelieving spouse.
- Putting Jesus first in your life does not mean your spouse is ignored. Become the host, not the guest, in your marriage. Find out what pleases your mate. Even though your spouse may be an unbeliever, you are still expected to choose loving behaviors that build intimacy in marriage because you are doing it for God.
- Be careful not to become overly involved in the church’s ministry. To do so may jeopardize your marriage and witness to your spouse. You may even consider missing an occasional Sunday worship service or a Bible study to spend time with your spouse.
- Focus on the admirable qualities of your spouse with compliments and respect rather than the difference in faith. With loving behavior and acceptance, you can build a healthy marriage and witness to your spouse of God’s grace.
- Concentrate on building an unwavering friendship with your spouse. Even though spiritually you are not equals, you are husband and wife. Periodically ask yourself, “How would I like to be married to me?”
Being married to an unbeliever does not alter the sacredness of the relationship. Live your life before your unbelieving spouse so that you allow Christ’s love and grace to shine brightly in your marriage. Continue to pray that your testimony in loving words and actions will one day lead to your spouse surrendering their life to Jesus.
Willie Batson loves equipping individuals and couples with tools for building healthy relationships. He is a published author, a podcast co-host, and the Lead Coach at W.C.Batson Coaching. Visit his website at www.williebatson.com for more information about his “Marriage Tune-up” coaching program and other helpful tools.
Willie Batson, “When Your Spouse Doesn’t Share Your Faith,” The Advent Christian Witness, Spring 2023