Meghan and her husband were in the middle of another fight. And it was about to collapse the underpinnings of their decades-long marriage as bouts of rage, anger, hatred and hurtful words flew around the room in front of their children. Eventually, they calmed down and took a break.
Meghan decided to check her emails. A couple of weeks before this fight, she had signed up for my “30 Daily Marriage Tips” email program, and there was tip #15. She later told me her first response on seeing it was, “Here we go, yeah, yeah, whatever, we know it all! We just don’t know how to get along!” But after she read it, she told me she thought, “It was one of those signs you get out of nowhere when you most need it. Each sentence of the tip was relevant to our issues … My husband was dumbfounded, too!!!”
Want to know what was in that email tip?
“Do not let conflict breach the walls of your marriage. The ties that unite you are stronger than the forces that divide you. Recognize the source of the conflict and deal with it. Attack the problem, not your spouse. Your marriage is more important than any problem.”
Talk about divine timing! After reading and discussing the email, they decided to “fight for their marriage.”
Your first thought of a fight is probably of a physical or verbal altercation marked by hostility, aggression or conflict, often leading to harm, damage or emotional distress. However, there is another, more positive side to a fight, which can be defined as a concerted effort to overcome obstacles and achieve goals through determination, courage and perseverance. That is what Meghan and her husband decided to do in their marriage.
Fighting for your marriage means at least three things.
ONE: You are intentional and purposeful about what you want your marriage to be and where it is going. You make deliberate efforts to spend time together regularly in activities that strengthen your bond and create a shared life together.
TWO: You guard against Satan’s plan to destroy all that is good in your marriage. That plan includes doubt, which makes you question God’s Word and his goodness in tough times; discouragement, which makes you look at problems rather than at God’s provisions; diversion, which makes the wrong things seem attractive so that you will want them more than the right things; and defeat, where you feel like a failure so that you don’t even try. Your spiritual connection as a couple through prayer, reading Scripture and active church participation is a great way to guard your marriage from the enemy’s influence.
THREE: You prioritize your marriage relationship by actively practicing forgiveness, communicating openly and honestly and trying to understand and meet each other’s emotional and spiritual needs. In addition, when there is a problem, remember this: attack the problem, not your spouse.
Solomon wrote, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Your marriage is more important than any problem. Do not let conflict breach the walls of your marriage. Stand firm in the Lord and with each other as you fight for your marriage. Remember, the ties that unite you are stronger than the forces that want to divide you.
