Reflections from a Pastor’s Wife: What Meant the Most on Pastor Appreciation Day

I was expecting our second child when we moved into the old church parsonage. It felt like stepping back in time, since this was the same house where my mom had spent most of her adolescence during my grandpa’s pastorate. It was a wonderful home, and for nearly 13 years, we enjoyed its warmth and refuge while my husband navigated his very first pastorate.

That first year was full of new beginnings — not only a baby, a pastorate and a home, but also our first Pastor Appreciation Day. I remember being nervous because that year I found out in advance that there was a plan of recognition. The thought of our little family being called up on stage made me anxious. I loved the people and appreciated their desire to honor the Lord by showing gratitude, but I struggled with being in that kind of spotlight.

The church was extremely generous. My memory blurs the years together, but I recall large expressions of thanks: a new family television one year, an outdoor grill another. These gifts were wonderful and helpful, especially for hosting guests, but they were difficult to accept in front of the congregation. Year after year, I saw faces in the pews of people who had far less than we did. People who struggled month to month with needs greater than mine. I felt both deeply grateful and humbled at the same time.

Looking back on the generosity of our church and their meaningful expressions of thanks, several lessons stand out to me:

1. Thoughtful, Specific Cards Meant the Most

Some cards shared specific stories of gratitude for how my husband had ministered to them that year or how a specific sermon helped them understand God’s word. He kept cards like these in a special drawer in his office, and on discouraging days he would pull one out to remind himself that his work mattered and was worth continuing.

2. Including Our Kids Deepened Their Affection for the Church

Often the church created a large gift basket, and inside were items chosen specifically for our children. We would wait until after lunch to open it together, taking turns pulling out each treat or card. This thoughtful inclusion made our kids feel part of the church’s ministry and left a lasting impression of love and belonging.

3. Time Away Is Invaluable

One year, we received a gift card for four tickets to a local waterpark — enough to stay one night. My husband and I had so much fun planning the surprise, picking the kids up early from school and whisking them away for an adventure. Our budget was too tight for luxuries like that, and this gift provided joy and relief during a stressful season. To this day, a Christmas ornament from that trip still hangs on our tree.

4. Money Isn’t Necessary, but It Sure Helps

With a growing family and a tight budget, financial gifts were often the most practical blessing. I remember one year we received a substantial amount in cash, which came just as our kids had multiple medical expenses — MRIs, EKGs and ER visits. That money allowed us to pay down bills and avoid debt. In other years, it helped us prepare for Christmas without financial strain.

5. Meals Together Are Nice, but Family Time Is Needed More

Church-wide meals in honor of pastors are kind, but they can leave some pastors exhausted. After early morning study, teaching Sunday school and preaching, a pastor often spends the fellowship meal still in “pastoral mode” — checking on people, helping clean up and rarely relaxing with his family. While I wouldn’t say “don’t do a lunch,” I encourage churches to consider how far those funds could go as gift cards for local restaurants. These come in handy after a late-night hospital visit, for an anniversary date or for taking the kids out for ice cream after a game. The gift card isn’t buying food; it’s buying a little rest and connection.

When I reflect on those 13 years, I am deeply humbled by how much our church loved the Lord and us through their generosity. But I also learned something important: it was the private, personal gifts that sustained us most. The handwritten card, the basket of small surprises for our children, the family outing we could not have afforded otherwise — those are the memories that still encourage me today. Public recognition has its place, but the quieter acts of thoughtfulness reminded us that we were seen and loved as people, not just as “the pastor’s family.”

My hope is that these reflections encourage you to find meaningful, personal ways to bless your pastor and family this October. For more ideas, check out our pastor appreciation page.

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Deals on Pastoral Getaways:

Ridgecrest Conference Center (NC) offers pastors getaways for $89/night.
Meetinghouse Village (ME) offers steep overnight discounts to AC clergy.
The Cove (NC) offers four FREE Pastor Renewal Retreats that include programming, excellent meals and overnight stay throughout the year – application required.
Shepherd’s Refuge (GA) offers quiet cabins at no change for pastors and missionaries.
Sandy Cove Ministries (MD) offers discounts for ministry leaders.
America’s Keswick (NJ) offers pastors two complimentary nights per calendar year.
Pinebrook (PA) offers personal retreats in the Pocono Mountains for pastors that are free or deeply discounted.
AC Village (FL) offers active AC pastors and their families a complementary one week stay every year (not during ACGC, regional or conference events. Booking required).
Be Still Retreats (WI) provides FREE stays for Christian clergy, featuring 5 cottages on scenic trails on 170 acres.
Deer Ridge Ministries (IL) gifts five days of rest to pastors and spouses, several different options available.

*Some of these may not allow children.